Mean Green Smoothie

A healthy and tasty beverage
Prep Time10 minutes
Course: Snack
Cuisine: American
Keyword: celery, cucumber, ginger, Granny Smith apples, kale, lemon
Servings: 64 oz


  • 1 Vitamix blender (or something equally powerful)
  • 1 cutting board
  • 2 32 oz protein shaker bottles (or something else that holds 64 oz and lets you shake the contents up)
  • 2 thick straws


  • 1 bunch lacinato/Tuscan kale (about 4oz; common curly-leaf kale works too)
  • 1 slicing cucumber (about 10oz)
  • ½ bunch celery (about 16oz/1lb)
  • 2 Granny Smith apples (about 8oz each)
  • 1 lemon
  • 1 thumb ginger (about ½", or 0.15 oz)
  • 2 cups water (or 1 cup water and 2 cups ice, if you want it colder)


  • Wash all the produce well
  • Put the water (and ice, if you want it colder) in the blender
    2 cups water
  • Coarsely chop the cucumber, such as by slicing it in half lengthwise, and then slicing it every inch or so crosswise
    1 slicing cucumber
  • Add the cucumber to the blender
  • Coarsely chop the celery
    ½ bunch celery
  • Add the celery to the blender
  • Peel the lemon, or cut the peel off
    1 lemon
  • Add the lemon to the blender
  • Chop the ginger into small pieces
    1 thumb ginger
  • Add the ginger pieces to the blender
  • On the cutting board, coarsely chop the kale
    1 bunch lacinato/Tuscan kale
  • Put the chopped kale in the blender
  • Coarsely core and chop the apples, such as by slicing one big side off and then the other big side, leaving a disc with the core in it; then slicing off the two small sides from the core, and finally cutting the small sides in 2 and the big sides into 4
    2 Granny Smith apples
  • At this point, the blender might be full. If so, add the apple pieces to one of the 32 oz bottles, and blend the contents down, on the highest setting
  • Add the apple pieces to the blender
  • Blend for about a minute
  • Pour into the bottles
  • Refrigerate for 1 to 24 hours
    You can also freeze them. To thaw out leave them in fridge for a couple of days, use the microwave's defrost setting, or a combination of both.
  • When ready to drink, shake the bottle vigorously because the contents will have separated
  • Drink through the thick straw


This recipe is a modification of Joe Cross’ Mean Green Juice, in that it’s a smoothie so that all the nutritious fiber is left in the beverage.
The recipe is fairly forgiving, so don’t worry too much about the relative amounts.